Rambling thoughts 4

I have been babysitting a 3 year old cousin who recently just got a new baby sister these couple of days. I'd love to babysit the elder brother as well but he needs to go to school. I had two days leave so, whattheheck I need the company as well.

I've been flying to Sarawak for the Rainforest Music Fest and even came back to join a group of friends climbing the Gabai Waterfall and had a tremendous time picnicking! I had so much fun but yet, I felt so lonely and my cousin's company and sleeping-over at my place really made me busy and forgot about that "loneliness".

I know it's stupid to feel such way. How on earth can someone be so lonely while traveling? Only me I guess. This hole inside my heart is still big and yes, my blog has becoming cheesy and typical day by day!

I smiled. I laughed. But that longing and sadness still linger. I' d never thought I would be falling this hard.

The seeking-for-truth-and-God challenge has somehow stopped. I am back to becoming the old, bad, me. The ever-loving-obedient-daughter-sister-person also has becoming too mundane and disappointing.

Night sleeps have been tormenting when I keep on running, swimming, walking, and running again in a huge, never-ending, unfamiliar space.

I'm getting old and not fun too!

I'm assuming that I just miss you too much. Yes, I told everyone I have moved on and that's a lie. I don't even know what I feel. I don't even think that I'll ever let go.

Deal with that.