Mundaneness is messing up in my head

Hello blog.

After so many days of hiatus, today I feel like writing up an entry again.

Please don't ask me why have I been missing from writing. I didn't really have the time nor the passion to write anymore. But today, I think I need to say something.

As many people have already known, I am a Sagittarian. I prefer actions, challenges, unexpected incidents in life. And this is due to my nature of fire. Plus, I was born in the year of tiger. So, doing the same things day after day won't really work on me.

When the days of that mundane feelings come to me, I'd be the most bitchy person ever lived! I don't know why probably it is just hormonal and it could probably due to that easily-triggered-crankiness that I have been born with all this time.

This time of the year (or probably just week), when I'm such a bitch, I know that I am also being a pain in the ass especially to my dear Mr. F. I don't want to do it but it is just deliberately unavoidable.

I know that I make him feel sad when this does happen. I want to avoid it but it keeps coming every month!

I don't deserve such sweet, loving person. He will be eagerly waiting and patiently calming me down. He will eventually make me smile by the end of that miserable day. But I know this has to stop. I hate the fact that I always hurt him. Who wouldn't?

I told him today that I need to do something with my life. Instead of using the verb, "want" I said, I "need". I have lost the spark. The spark to motivate myself, the spark to challenge myself, the spark to even feel overly-joyful when I do something that is beyond my capability! I need that spark again.

I need to do something that could distract me from thinking about this awful place where I'm working in now. I need to do something to just intrinsically adds up to my motivation to become a better person, a better daughter, a better teacher and of course a better sister and girlfriend so that I won't feel so miserable whenever that I mistreat my boyfriend.

As I love mon amour so dearly, at times I think to myself, I don't deserve such great companion like him.

That's what I wanted to write about today and let it be just it for today.............

Ps. My boss managed to put up a little smile on our faces probably thinking that most of us were too serious doing our jobs late at this hour. I hate my workplace but I can never hate the people working in it especially those who are in my department. They are just a bunch of nice people. And I still need that spark.

Bye now.