I'm back?

How long has it been now?

If this blog is a friend, he might have forgotten that I have actually existed in his life.

I miss sharing my thoughts in here but it occurs to me that, once you are married, the time is no longer yours. Now that I have these two little buckaroos running around (read: sticking closely to) me, I have to have my guard on all the time. Who knows what small "project" that might come in place around the house when I am not looking.

Anyway, I am here today for a reason. A reason to come back. In all honesty, I am starting to realize that my mind has not been healthy. After a thorough (read: quick, FB and other folders searching/reminiscing done) research done, I realized that I have some unsettled businesses going on around me. The unsettling feelings I have at the moment are resulting in a trauma. I'm thinking that this might be an overreaction but at the same time, I really need to put them down in words or else, I might just go cuckoo.

I came across several articles talking about how this mental illness is causing a deep wound inside someone and how it actually started with the simplest feeling of unhappiness. I went on and read the related details of what cause it, who might have it, to even how to overcome it. I thought that I might find a solution and a reason of my unhappiness, but I can't to find the exact answer to it.

I tried looking around the house, spotting the kids of their whereabouts, and thinking what could have I asked more? What is lacking? Am I being ungrateful? Why can't I do the same like others, counting my blessings?

.....


Where am I? What have I forgotten? Is this really the thing that I was looking for 10 years ago? Was there any happiness to begin my search with?

......

I really hope that this is just another phase.



Goodnight.