crawling in my skin

I walked into the deadliest alley where deserted people live.

I asked them, "why were you abandoned here?"

One of them got up and answered, "...because I am ugly."

I bold myself and asked again, "what about the rest of you, why were you abandoned here?"

The second one raised his hand and timidly answered, "....because I am not good enough."

I pulled myself together and sipped the sadness inside me and tried to ask them again, "why were you abandoned here?"

This time, a beautiful and confident girl stood up and looked at me straight into the eye and answered, "....because I am a woman."

Then, I got weak. I started running away from the alley and hoping to find a way out. I saw an arm pulling out from a door and I reached it. He took me out of there and he scolded me.

He said, "why do you have to go in there? How many times have I told you not to? Why are you doing this to me?"

And I apologised. But he said, "I've forgiven you even before you jumped into such circumstances but now, all you have to do is to try to forgive yourself."

Though I don't quite understand what does he mean by that. I know it was my fault. I didn't think before I act.

Maybe because, when I am in love, I do crazy things and I act crazy.

He forgave me. We are okay. But deep down inside...

I'm hurt. I just am.