past vs present
There will be a time in your life when you feel some people are giving you nothing but bull crap. You feel like shit everyday when you wake up and how you wish that that person can actually disappear or just shut his/her mouth for a sec. As for me, I have that once in every month and if I am lucky, I'll have that loathing feeling of someone at least for a month.
At times, the annoyed feeling you have inside is just because you started to feel irritated. For no reason. Like when you are in the train every morning and a lady came in from KL Sentral station. So, maybe she just got back from a vacation; based on the backpack she carries and yes, she boarded the train from the terminal station but hey, do you really have to smell that awful early in the morning? Can't you at least change your shirt or spray some perfume on you? I know you are comfortable with yourself looking all trashy and not to mention, smelly...but do you really have to torture me with that odour of yours?
One more annoying thing that could've happened is when early in the morning, you got up so early, wearing the best working clothes that you have prepared the night before and end up had to go to work, walking from your house for 15-20km to the station. That is annoying because you have three cars at home and three people who can drive you but refused to because sleeping seemed better than sending your only daughter/sister to work for only 10 mins. How "soothing"...
Life can be overly dramatic at times when you are annoyed. You bang/slam the door in front/behind you, you make loud, angry movements, you don't smile and you curse one after another (of course, silently) and tell yourself that how you wish you could just shoot everyone. You'll feel at ease for a little while but the shitty feeling comes back the next day.
Every night when you come home, you have no one to talk to - on the phone, FB chat or at home, you'll have monologues with yourself. Not sure whether it's your heart or your head, your conscious or subconscious or whatever they call it, and these monologues are pretty miserable and pathetic. So, you updated your statuses, quotes, blog entries talking about how you're annoyed when people don't reply to your texts/calls and yet, the specific person still does not call or reply to your text. This makes you feel like screaming your head off and kicking someone in the groins!
What else that could be more annoying when you come back from work and no one to pick you up at the station but to either wait for the bus for at least half decade to start moving or the cab. So, of course, though it's a bit pricey, you take the cab and wishing that you could be home as soon as possible and settle down before going to bed. However, you picked the wrong cab! The driver is obnoxiously driving so slow and pissing you off! Then you see the bus that you were waiting for is moving ahead of the effin' slow cab and yes, you arrived late at home and have no mood to eat or to do anything else but to sleep. Waking up the next morning crankier.
The next annoying thing that could have happened to you is when you are in the office trying to be friendly and talk to everyone since you are new there. In hoping that if you just get to know everyone and explore how things are other than in your small world inside your head or at home, going out for coffee, or just for a little chat outside the office and the whole department is talking about you and the person (in this case, this friend is a guy and apparently he's mat salleh). So, people talk, give you remarks, and the look! What did I do wrong? Maybe I'll just sit quietly in my cubicle and don't talk to anyone. At peace.
And..be miserable all over again?
ps. this entry had been in the draft file far too long..so, this was how crappy i felt about life and the previous entry before this is how life so far! very different eh?